GUIDING PRINCIPLES
Boys can learn from almost anyone, but there are some things which fathers teach best to sons. There is a generational call to fathers to help boys become men. As we enter this Christmas Season, I want to share a list of the things which sons learn best from their fathers. If their biological fathers are not available, then the boys’ mothers should seek other Godly men to instruct them.
There’s a lot our sons need to learn from their dads, and it won’t happen by osmosis. And they’ll be gone from Dads’ direct influence much sooner than expected. Too many dads might not have some of the skills and experiences to adequately provide all that is needed. When this is the situation, it’s a good opportunity for Dads and their sons to learn together! Or perhaps the Dads can learn something a little ahead of when they need to teach it to sons.
As I grow older and prayerfully observe what is taking place in our world, my conviction grows stronger that fathers need to sharpen their fathering skills. Our boys are staying boys far too long. Too many dads aren’t giving them the kind of modeling that produces both toughness and tenderness. In my opinion, parents have abdicated far too much training to school teachers and youth pastors and sports coaches. And while these people are welcome to help with this process, it is the dads who bear the primary responsibility. When this doesn’t happen, one unexpected consequence: sons think less of their fathers because their fathers aren’t the ones guiding them.
Dads: you can avoid a lot of resentment. Even when your son doesn’t like it, it’s hard for him to resent you for doing things that are in his best interest. And while he will probably not articulate this for many years, if at all, he will still feel it.
I’ve grouped these guiding principles into three categories: Mindsets, Relationships with Others, and Specific Skills and Experiences. Some things might take only a few minutes for a boy to master. For others, mastery requires practice over several years. Some may be “caught” from Dads’ modeling rather than specifically “taught.” All are important. Each boy will need a custom-tailored approach to learn what he needs to learn. And I believe that’s why God put you in place, Dad!
DAD: Teach your son to:
- Honor God, his Creator
- Tell the truth, and keep promises as commitments
- Be self-controlled
- Keep soul-stifling fears in check
- Learn to accept that delayed gratification is sweeter
- Distinguish between needs and wants
- Always do his best
- That steady progress over a long time yields man-sized results
- Dream big dreams
- Realize he can either lead or abdicate leadership, but he can’t outsource it
The guiding principles listed above involve lessons that can be categorized as mindsets. In the coming weeks, the column will continue to focus on guiding principles, and the specific focus will be Relationships with Others, and later on Specific Skills and Experiences.
If you are a dad, please seriously consider helping to guide your sons’ mindset. TEACH and MODEL!
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