Are You Raising One of the Next Generation of Hoodlums: Teaching Your Child Self Control

Self-control means to be controlled from within one’s self. It means to exercise constraint. When we see advertisements that are enticing us to spend more money and get more things because ‘it is good for us,’ or, ‘we feel that we deserve it,’ we don’t want to feel constrained.  We want that stuff!   Self-control is a very valuable attribute to have and one we need to teach our children, and here is why: self-control keeps us from spending more than we have, eating more than we should and in facing a variety of life issues. It prevents us from getting involved with activities that might harm us or get us in trouble.  It stops us from watching the kind of negative programs that we have difficulty eradicating from our minds later.

It is crucial for parents to understand that learning to be self-controlled starts at home. Consequently, it is fruitless to rant and rave at your child for embarrassing you in a public place by demonstrating that he lacks self-control when you have not been seriously consistent about teaching it at home and by demonstrating with your actions that you have self-control.

Parents need to set boundaries and expectations for children.  In other words, we shape their lives until they learn to effectively control their own.  This is a parent’s responsibility. Children learn from what they see us do and what we train them to do.  When we say one thing and do another, children learn that there are two sets of rules – one for parents and one for kids.  Kids also learn that if we believe strongly enough in what we are telling them to do, we wouldn’t be doing the converse. Realize that children are intuitive as well as intelligent, so long before they are able to articulate it, they understand that when you, their parents, feel strongly about something, your actions demonstrate your feelings. For example, if we don’t want our kids to smoke, then we need to quit smoking. If we ever did, (and I’m not convinced that we ever did), we are no longer rearing a generation that we can tell, “Do as I say, not as I do!” THAT DOESN’T FLY!

We need to train our kids to be self-controlled when it comes to eating because there are so many health issues produced by overeating. We need to eat moderately as parents. We need to eat healthily and not waste food.  Many times we have watched in astonishment as parents pile their plates absolutely full of food at the buffet. Their children follow behind, unsupervised, doing the same thing. Why? Because children learn what they see and they do what they learn.

We need to show our children how to spend moderately by being moderate spenders ourselves.  We should teach them the difference between wants and needs.  If you give your children an allowance, you should train them how to use it wisely so that when you are not there to help them, they will have developed enough wisdom not to get into unnecessary debt.

We do not always realize how children’s minds process and store information.  Adults can apply reason, knowledge, and experience to media input.  Young children lack those resources. Consequently, parents who are serious about teaching self-control to their children must help their children to understand why they need to control their lives in the area of spending, eating, viewing, and behavior. When parents do this, their children will be more inclined to take responsibility and control these areas for themselves.

Parents: You cannot teach self-control with your words alone. Your actions must dictate that you are self-controlled!

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