Are You Raising One of the Next Generation of Hoodlums: Fostering Self-Discipline

Previous columns have discussed how important it is for your son to develop self-discipline. In fact, the development of self-discipline is so important that this subject will continue to be revisited intermittently.

It is self-discipline that will prompt your son to shut up instead of talk back. It is self-discipline that will allow your son to walk away when his peers are urging him to participate in inappropriate behaviors. It is self-discipline that will help your child later in life resist the urge to run up exorbitant credit card bills that he knows he cannot afford. It is self-discipline that will prompt your child to be willing to wait instead of adopting a right now attitude. In fact, I could fill this page and numerous others with the benefits of self-discipline and countless others with the detriment of its lack.

The ability to regulate our thoughts, feelings and actions is really the goal of self-discipline. It is important that parents recognize and accept that if we are going to help our children to become self-disciplined, we must demonstrate it ourselves. We must “walk the talk.”

We must demonstrate by the lives we live that we are self-disciplined individuals. And point out to our children models of self-discipline. For example, keep control of yourself. Your actions will never be more evident than when your children take on and demonstrate the same habits. Keep yourself well disciplined by doing what it is appropriate to do. Fight the urge to do things impulsively. Keep control of your finances and of your home. Maintain control when you are angry. Never forget that your son is watching you and will mimic your behaviors, especially when it comes to behaving in a self-disciplined fashion. The things you do will show your children what self-discipline is and how to demonstrate it. And you can only legitimately expect your child to develop it if you foster it with your own actions.

As a parent, it is your responsibility to make your child aware of your expectation that he will demonstrate self-discipline. When you observe someone behaving in a way that demonstrates a clear lack of control, point this out to your son. Talk to him about what happened and why it showed a lack of self-discipline. Explain to him that with self-discipline, that person wouldn’t have lost control. Your son will understand better if he sees someone who doesn’t demonstrate self-control.

When you see someone who demonstrates good self-control in a bad situation, point that out to your son as well. Talk to him about why the person handled the situation as he or she did. When he realizes the difference between demonstrating self-discipline and/or the lack it, he will want to practice having it.

Parents: Know that self-discipline is not something that can be taught. It emerges through social and environmental interactions. This is why it is so important that we parents must be conscious of our interactions at all times. Yes, as parents we are also human, but we must be humans who are self-disciplined in order to set proper examples for our children.

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