Quinn Minute – Rodent health

by Rix Quinn

     Say, do you have rats at home? I’m talking about critters with fuzzy ears and whiskers who slither around the house after dark, pick up crumbs, and eat from the dog’s bowl.

     If they live with you, this information can provide them a higher quality life.

     See, rat researchers discovered that if you put older ones on a low-calorie diet for four weeks, it may keep them from aging.

     Therefore, if you want mice to live longer, reduce their intake.

     Please follow these steps to insure elderly mouse health:

     1. First, summon the rats. Simply yell out, “Dang, I just spilled my corn flakes…and I can’t see a thing since we blew that fuse.”

     2. Next, determine if your mice are pubescent, middle-aged, or old. Show them a standard trap.

     The old and middle-aged will flee. Younger ones will laugh at the dated technology.

     3. OK, so now you’ve found the grown-ups. Which ones are older? Darn it, you just can’t tell! Here’s why…

     4. Mice — and their larger cousins, rats — live on the lowest rungs of the food chain.

     Hawks, crows, and owls serve them at cookouts. Foxes, dogs, and cats dip them in hot sauce. So…

     5. Hardly any of them reach old age. Therefore, any mice you find — and switch to a low-fat diet — should be able to infest your groceries for months to come.

     6. As you know, rat research led to discoveries that helped humankind. You save a mouse today, and it may save you tomorrow! But on the other hand…

     7. Do you really want mice living with you? I don’t…but my dog might enjoy them.