Are You Raising One of the Next Generation of Hoodlums: Squash Feelings of Entitlement

Because we are born feeling entitled to our parents’ care, if we don’t teach our sons gratitude and model it for them, they grow up feeling entitled, and feeling entitled does not lead to happiness.

I believe much of the lawlessness practiced by so many of our boys started due to feelings of entitlement. On the contrary, feeling entitled leads to feelings of disappointment and frustration. In contrast, gratitude makes us happy and satisfied with our lives. And just about every parent I know wants his or her children to be happy and satisfied with their lives.

Appreciation is recognition not based on comparison but based on the intrinsic value, character or immensity of a thing or state itself.

Some people seem to be born with the tendency to be appreciative. They see the world at its essence: the beauty of a sunset, the fragile green of a leaf, the boundless energy of a small child. Others must be helped to learn to see the beauty and wonder in the world; this includes your son.

Thankfulness is part of our religious and cultural heritage and the antidote to selfishness and complaining. It can come in the form of praise, recognition or humility. Another form of appreciation is respect toward someone or something valued. In relationships this translates as care, concern, fair treatment and courtesy.

Teaching your son to appreciate starts at birth with your loving regard for him, and it should continue throughout the life of your relationship. As your sons observe the way you view and deal with people, things, and situations, they will no doubt learn to appreciate also. Gratitude is one form of appreciation that is easier to express. So another important reason to assure that your son learns to express thanksgiving and to feel gratitude is because these things will help him to become less selfish and more thankful.

Another form of appreciation is respect toward someone or something valued. In relationships, this translates as care, concern, fair treatment and courtesy. As frequently mentioned in this column, no parent wants to be in the process of raising one of the next generation of hoodlums. But we all can attest that there are plenty of them in our society. And rarely will any one of them be accused of showing appreciation and expressing gratitude. So one of the things that parents can do that will help them to assure that they are not raising one of the next generation of hoodlums is to teach their sons to be thankful and to show that they are thankful by expressing their gratitude. Even in small things, with very young children, they should be taught to say “please” and “thank you” often. You should say “please” and “thank you” often to them when it is appropriate. Modeling an attitude to gratitude is the best way to teach it.

The following can assist you to help your child develop an attitude of gratitude:

• Hugs, kisses and loving words are powerful expressions of appreciation. Use them often along with a sincere thank-you when appropriate.
• Counter outside influences by being deliberately appreciative yourself.
• Use holidays as opportunities to show and express appreciation.
• Teach your child how to care for and respect his belongings. Remember that care expresses appreciation.
• Be constantly aware that your example is the most powerful teacher.