Are You Raising One of the Next Generation of Hoodlums: Raising a Boy to be a Man

Dr. Joyce Willard Teal
With so many single mothers raising their sons alone, the question has been posed, “Is it possible for a woman to raise a boy to be a man?” My response to this question: that depends on what you mean by a man. If by man you mean an adult of the male species, then of course a female can do that because she can do nothing but house, feed and clothe him, and her boy will eventually become an adult, and he is already of the male species. If, however, by man you mean a gentleman who is a well prepared member of his generation for the role of future husband, father, and honorable member of society, then I ask you to consider the following.

Who would be a better teacher of our boys than our own men? How can a female tell her son what it is like to be a black man in this society or how to face life as a black man in society? How can a female relate to what he may be feeling? As a woman, I can only sympathize with him. His father can relate. His father has been there, done that! If his dad is not there, his mother needs other “successful” black men as mentors for him. But, as more of our black men in the community get railroaded by society at large, where else do we turn?

Many of us are aware there have been many cases in our communities where the women raised boys who grew up to be pretty decent men, but that was because she was forced to do so. And that job is not easy. Most will acknowledge that a boy needs his father. No woman should have to bear the responsibility of raising a child all by her- self nor should she be the one to teach a boy how to be a man. This should be the responsibility of the father. It takes a man and a woman to properly raise a child. This is a major problem with us as a people today. There is no balance, a child (boy or girl) need both. A child (boy or girl) needs both masculine and feminine love for ultimate development. If nurturing only comes from one side, then that is an imbalance which is the current state we are in as a people.

Much of the problems with young African males are due to the absence of a father in the household. We really need to get over the line of thinking that it’s okay for a woman to raise children all by herself, because it is not!

Farrakhan once said, “Without family, we don’t have a strong community.” Without a strong community, our children will continue to be lacking. With strong community, our boys (and girls) have many watchful eyes and helping hands, and is needed today more than ever. Many of us can remember when as children all of the adults in our community helped to teach us and to keep us on the straight and narrow.

I believe that boys who don’t have fathers must look and be guided toward other reliable men for guidance. Maybe not by going up and asking, “How can I be a man?” But by observing the things that these men do and don’t do, and then noting the outcomes of these actions. There are many things a mother can teach a boy, but a mother can NEVER teach the lessons a boy needs to learn about how to be a man.

Mothers: if you are in the process of raising your son without benefit of his dad, make a serious effort to have male role models in his life. Teach him the significance of being responsible. Assign him regular chores. Refuse to talk negatively to him about his absent father and keep him involved in church and Sunday School. Enroll him in Boy Scouts or similar organizations so that responsible male role models are an integral and regular part of his life.

Special note: Readers are invited to tune in to the author’s internet radio talk show. The link is www.kebnradio.com at 10 a.m. Saturday mornings CST. You’re also invited to visit www.untealthen.com and Author’s Facebook Page.