Are You Raising One of the Next Generation of Hoodlums: Is Your Son Learning Self-Discipline?
“If you are in the process of raising a Black boy, please help him to develop self- discipline.” The previous statement was the initial sentence in a previous column. Self- discipline is so important to our sons’ success that we will revisit it recurringly in this column. It is not possible to overstress just how crucial it is for Black boys to develop self-disciplined.
If you are in the process of raising a son, you have probably learned that young boys are, by nature, impulsive. So in order for them to develop self-discipline, parents must be deliberate about fostering it. This requires you, the parent, to have frequent conversations with your son about what it means to be self-disciplined. Make sure he understands that self-discipline is the ability to make himself do that which he doesn’t want to do and the capability to stop himself from doing what he shouldn’t do. Talk to him regularly about how a person with self- discipline will behave in a given situation as opposed to one who lacks self-discipline. Take advantage of teachable moments.
Recognize and accept that it is a parent’s responsible to help his or her child to learn that self-control sometimes means that we must give up what we would like to do. Much
too frequently in today’s current climate of indulgence, parents allow what a child wants to do or does not want to do to carry too much weight in what should clearly be parental decisions. And while anyone who has truly loved a child wants the child to be happy, good parents, effective parents, understand that immature children are not capable of always operating in their own best interest. Why? Primarily because they are not capable of knowing what is always in their own best interests.
One of the ways you can determine whether or not your son is developing self-discipline is to observe his behavior when your decision for him is contrary to his desire. Don’t hesitate to compliment him when you observe positive changes, as when he responds positively to correction. On the other hand, don’t hesitate to confront him when he responds negatively. Your son will learn that his behavioral response is inappropriate only if you take the time, every time, to articulate this to him, and then make the effort to correct the behavior.
Parents: please be mindful that correcting your son’s behavior requires discipline. And know that discipline does not mean punishment or conflict between you and your child. It means helping your child learn from mistakes and develop self-control. All children need the security that comes with knowing the rules and boundaries of behavior; without these guidelines they feel at a loss. Consequently, you are not doing your son a favor by failing to discipline him. Flexibility is the key to discipline as your son grows. You will need to modify your approach over time, using different strategies as your son develops greater autonomy and capacity for self-regulation and responsibility. By learning self-control, your son can make appropriate decisions and respond to stressful situations in ways that can yield positive outcomes.
To help your son develop self-discipline:
- Help your son learn to Waiting teaches him that others have needs.
- Present your son with acceptable options and let him choose.
- Always model responsible
Special note: Readers are invited to visit
